Sue Scheff: Balanced Parenting

“Helping families successfully balance the joys and challenges of family life”

Welcome to Balanced Parenting!

Are you exhausted at the end of the day with your kids?

Do you feel like you argue or negotiate with your kids day and night?

Are you worried that your kids aren’t respectful?

Baby sleep issues?

Do you expect too little of your kids?

Do your kids expect too much of you?

Is your marriage suffering because all of your energy goes to your kids?

Together, we can tackle these issues and bring more peace and family togetherness into your home.

Visit for more information: http://www.balancedparenting.com/

Sue Scheff: A Parent's Guide to Middle School Years

By Joe Bruzzesse

This fantastic book is on book shelves now! Order on Amazon today - place the title in the Amazon Box on the side of the Blog.

Because today's children seem to grow up so fast, middle school has become the new high school. Concerns about homework, social issues, technology, and emotional health confront parents earlier than they would like or expect. Educator and parent Joe Bruzzese offers practical, empowering help for parents along with guidelines for their children, such as rules for using cell phones and tips for productive parent-teacher relationships.

Click here to order: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1587613417

This streamlined guide helps parents and their families move toward the goal of not just surviving, but thriving in the middle school years.

Sue Scheff: Helping Kids Cope with Cliques

Source: TeensHealth

Your 10-year-old daughter comes home crying because the girls she's been friends with are suddenly leaving her out and spreading rumors about her. She's confused because it seemed to happen out of the blue. She doesn't know what she did wrong and is nervous about returning to school, unsure if she has any friends.

Given how prevalent cliques are throughout middle and high school, at some point your child is likely to face the prospect of being in one or being excluded from them. There's little you can do to shield kids from cliques, but plenty you can do to help them maintain confidence and self-respect while negotiating cliques and understanding what true friendship is all about.

What's a Clique?

Friendship is an important part of kids' development. Having friends helps them be independent beyond the family and prepares them for the mutual, trusting relationships we hope they'll establish as adults.

Groups of friends are different from cliques in some important ways. Friendships grow out of shared interests, sports, activities, classes, neighborhoods, or even family connections. In groups of friends, members are free to socialize and hang out with others outside the group without worrying about being cast out. They may not do everything together — and that's OK.

Cliques sometimes form around common interests, but the social dynamics are very different. Cliques are usually tightly controlled by leaders who decide who is "in" and who is "out." The kids in the clique do most things together. Someone who has a friend outside the clique may face rejection or ridicule.

Members of the clique usually follow the leader's rules, whether it's wearing particular clothes or doing certain activities. Cliques usually involve lots of rules — implied and clearly stated — and intense pressure to follow them. Kids in cliques often worry about whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll be dropped for doing or saying the wrong thing or for not dressing in a certain way. This can create a lot of pressure, particularly for girls, who might be driven to extreme dieting and eating disorders or even to ask for plastic surgery. Others may be pressured to take risks like steal, pull pranks, or bully other kids in order to stay in the clique.

Read more: http://teenshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/cliques.html

Sue Scheff: Girl Sex Boundaries

Source: Connect with Kids

"It might be hard the first couple of times, but after you keep that standard for yourself all the time, then others will learn to accept it."-Tasleem Jadabji, a teen-

At parties, in school parking lots or when they’re just hanging out, girls are often pressured by boys to “fool around” and have sex. But now more than ever, girls are gaining the confidence to answer their male counterparts with a resounding “no.”

“It might be hard the first couple of times, but after you keep that standard for yourself all the time, then others will learn to accept it,” says Tasleem Jadabji, a teen.

“Just standing up for yourself over time will help give you that confidence,” adds her friend, Shoba Reddy-Holdcraft.

According to an analysis of survey data published in Context, a journal of the American Sociological Association, more girls are prolonging sexual abstinence and influencing boys to do the same.

“Guys are becoming more … tolerant, patient and aware of the fact that there are girls who don’t want to have sex and that the pressure is not going to change their minds,” Kristen Baker says.

“By doing that, they learn that you’re serious, so they take you more serious and you gain their respect, and you respect them for respecting you,” adds Courtney McIntosh.

The study’s findings reveal that girls are even becoming more outspoken about who they are and what they want.

“Girls are starting to watch programs that empower them, that say, ‘Hey, it’s OK to be free to respect your body, to respect yourself,’ and I think they’re also becoming more aware that not everyone is having sex,” says Sharina Prince, a health educator.

And sex isn’t the only area where girls are drawing the line.

“We don’t just go along with whatever, and we speak our minds more instead of just letting someone else tell us what to do about everything, what to wear, what we should do, who we should hang out with,” Courtney says.

Experts say that parents can play a key role in helping their teens make positive health decisions by giving them two powerful weapons: self confidence and knowledge.

“In developing or establishing a really positive relationship so that the teen feels empowered and feels like they understand, have an understanding about sexuality education,” Prince advises.

Teen Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure leads to "Good Teens Making Bad Choices" which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

Sue Scheff: Teen Birth Rates Up?

Teen birth rates up? Parents need to take steps to learn why - what can they do to help their young teens understand having a child is not easy. Before you are faced with this difficult and sensitive situations, continue opening communication about sex as well as contraceptives. Years ago a young teen getting pregnant seemed like the worst possible situation - now having unprotected sex can not only lead to pregnancy and big decisions for young teens, but deadly diseases. Take time to learn more.

Source: Connect with Kids

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental.”
– Laura Mee, Ph.D., Child Psychologist.

One girl gives birth to a baby. Another plays basketball with her brother. What’s the connection?

Studies show girls who play sports are less likely to have sex and less likely to get pregnant. One reason may be these athletes gain confidence and respect for their bodies.
“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental,” explains child psychologist, Dr. Laura Mee.

Experts say experiencing pressure on the court gives them the strength to resist pressure from a boyfriend. And, in their free time, it gives them something else to focus on besides how they look, “Their hair, their clothes, their, like reputation… mostly all they want to do is impress the boys,” says 12-year-old Claire.

What’s more, studies have found that athletic girls have higher self-esteem, better grades and less stress.
So, experts say, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and then cheer them on. “Make it as important that your daughters have sporting events as you would for your son that you treat them as equally as you possibly can, that you support and encourage and that the other children, whether they are male or female, support and encourage each other in their sports activities,” says Mee.

Tips for Parents

Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens “the talk” before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more “casual.”

The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The “holiday season effect” makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.

All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:

Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, “I wish I’d talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had.”

Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.

Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.

Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child’s thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. “My friend Mary is going out on a real date,” could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.
Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:
Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.

Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.

Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.

Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.

Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.
Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.

Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.

References
Advocates for Youth Campaign
Journal of Marriage and Family
National Parent Teacher Association
Washington State Department of Health

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Teen Truancy

As second semester is open, the phones are ringing and the parents have a common thread, their teens are not going to school! Skipping classes and already talking about dropping out.

Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate “excused” absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school’s handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.

Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student’s education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent’s self-esteem.

Read the causes here.

Sue Scheff - Teen Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure leads to "Good Teens Making Bad Choices" which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help.

Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction.

It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form. Please visit Informational Articles for more beneficial information.*Local Therapist should be Therapist/Counselors that "specialize" with Adolescents.

Sue Scheff - Identity Theft and Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“If they’ve managed to get a hold of your Social Security number and take out credit card applications in your name, that may go on for months before you realize it and it may actually take you years to resolve the problem.”

– Suzanne Boas, president, Consumer Credit Counseling Service

Identity theft is an ever-increasing threat for all consumers -- one that could damage your credit ratings and cost you thousands of dollars. And teenagers are among the most vulnerable.

Suzanne Boas, president, Consumer Credit Counseling Service, has seen the damage first-hand. “It is frightening to think what can happen to you when someone gets a hold of your identity,” she says.

Hailey Lowe, 18, has heard of one way thieves can steal identities. “I guess they could … get online – I’ve heard of people doing that – get online, take your identity and buy stuff,” she says.

And that’s just the beginning. Boas says, “If they’ve managed to get a hold of your Social Security number and take out credit card applications in your name, that may go on for months before you realize it and it may actually take you years to resolve the problem.”

The far-reaching effects of identity-theft create countless hurdles to overcome. “You may have difficulty getting a job where a credit report is required. You may have trouble renting an apartment. You may have trouble leasing a car. You may have all sorts of difficulties that you can’t even imagine now,” says Boas.

While everyone is at risk, why are teenagers being singled out?

Boas says, “A teenager is a perfect target; just by virtue of their age, they’ve got an unblemished credit record to begin with.”

That’s why, experts say, parents need to help kids protect themselves.

“Number one would be leave your Social Security card at home,” says Boas. “Secondly, make sure you protect your credit cards all the time, and your checkbook. Don’t take them when you’re going out partying.”

And third, remember that your identity can be stolen online.

“So if you’re going to use a credit card on the Internet,” says Boas, “make sure that you’re going into a secure website.”

Knowing the risks of theft is the first step in protecting your identity and your financial future. And Hailey Lowe is now more aware.

“I think I’ll try harder definitely, knowing that it’s a bigger risk than I thought before,” she says.

Tips for Parents
In recent years, identity theft has become a very serious threat, due in part to the Internet and the availability of online activities, such as banking, shopping, and gaming. Consider the following statistics:

The average cost to an identity-theft victim is more than $1,000 to remedy damages. Sometimes it takes years to set things straight.
Consumer groups estimate that as many as 750,000 people a year are victims of identity theft.
Identity theft is the most popular form of consumer fraud, in part because it is the most profitable. Identity thieves stole nearly $100 million from financial institutions last year, or an average of $6,767 per victim.
One of the first question parents ask is, “How do thieves steal my information, or my child’s information?” According to the Identity Theft Resources Center, thieves work in a number of ways. They can:

Go through your trash, looking for straight cut or un-shredded papers and records.
Steal your mail, wallet or purse.
Listen in on conversations you or your child have in public.
Trick you or your child into giving them information over the telephone or by email.
Buy the information via the Internet or from someone else who might have stolen it.
Steal it from a loan or credit card application you or your child may have filled out, or from files at a hospital, bank, school or business that you deal with. Thieves may obtain these records from trash dumpsters outside of such companies.
Get it from your computer, especially those without firewalls.
Be someone you know – even a friend or relative -- who has access to your information.
If you or your child becomes a victim of identity theft, experts at the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) offer the following suggestions:

Contact the fraud department of any of the three major credit bureaus to place a fraud alert on your credit file. The fraud alert requests creditors to contact you before opening any new accounts or making any changes to your existing accounts. As soon as the credit bureau confirms your fraud alert, the other two credit bureaus will automatically be notified to also place fraud alerts. Each bureau will send you credit reports free of charge.
Close any of your accounts that you suspect have been tampered with, as well as any new accounts that have been opened fraudulently. Use the ID Theft Affidavit when disputing new unauthorized accounts.
File a police report, and get a copy of the report to submit to your creditors and others that may require proof of the crime.
File your complaint with the FTC. The FTC maintains a database of identity theft cases used by law enforcement agencies for investigations. Filing a complaint also helps the FTC learn more about identity theft and the problems victims have.
References
Identity Theft Resource Center
Federal Trade Commission
Privacy Rights Clearinghouse

Sue Scheff: Teen Shoplifting

As a parent advocate, I hear from parents on a weekly basis and one subject matter that is always discussed at least once a week, is their child shoplifting aka - stealing! Why? The teens usually don’t have to do this, however it becomes a “cool” thing that others are doing - and peer pressure to fit in can cause your child to participate in an act they know is not right.

There have been reports that most kids don’t steal because they need to, or financial issues or need - it is simply peer pressure to fit in with a poplular (in their eyes) group of kids.

Learn More from the National Association of Shoplifting Prevention - Being an educated parent can help prevent your teen from making bad choices.

Prevent Consumer Shoplifting by Raising Awareness!80% of shoplifting offenders believe that people shoplift because they don’t fully understand the crime’s harmful effect on themselves, the victims and the community.

Help Stop Your Kids From Shoplifting - visit http://www.stopyourkidsfromshoplifting.com/

TEEN PEER PRESSURE - SOS

I was just recommended this dynamic book by Dr. Lisa Medoff and can’t wait to read it! As a Parent Advocate, this can be one of the most trying times for parents as school is opening. Today with issues surrounding social networking, compounded with peer pressure - “Stressed Out Students” are at risk of making not so good choices.

Here is the recent Press Release about “SOS” - which can be purchased on Amazon today!

SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S

GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE



Lisa Medoff, PhD



In a society overloaded with media that glamorizes sex, drinking, and drugs, and where any outrageous, dangerous, humiliating thing a person does can be caught on a cell phone and posted on the internet for all to see, teens are feeling forced to succumb to peer pressure like never before. As peers become the pseudo “paparazzi,” teens need somewhere to turn for answers that give them the strength to reject the constant pressure to “fit in.”



Now Kaplan - widely respected for helping millions of students prepare for every aspect of academic life - steps outside the classroom to guide teens, parents, and educators on the ever-increasing pressure-cooker of adolescence. Its SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guide series offers realistic advice written by students, for students, on the topics of most concern to today’s teens. Every book in the motivational series also features advice from Education.com columnist, educator, and psychologist Lisa Medoff, PhD, who works with troubled teens and teachers in high-risk school districts.



SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE (Kaplan Publishing; September, 2008) hones in on and tackles the scourge of peer pressure and its effects on teenagers. As Dr. Medoff assures readers, “This book will help teens sort out the different influences that peer pressure is having on them. It will show them how peer pressure can manipulate them into making some very bad, life altering decisions about drugs, sex, cheating, stealing, and being cruel to others. They’ll learn to trust themselves and be proud of who they are.”



Featuring frank, realistic language plus an engaging, highly illustrated layout, SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE is designed to appeal to the modern teenager’s eye, attention span, and need for quick gratification. It is also an imperative handbook for adults who want to understand and open the lines of communication with the adolescents in their lives.



Without preaching, each of the ten easy to read chapters in SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE is packed with explanations, scenarios, stats, and fascinating facts such as:



· 1 in 4 sexually active teens becomes infected with an STD each year.

· Nationally, 6 out of 10 girls who had sex before the age of 15 report that it was involuntary.

· Teens and juveniles make up 25% of all shoplifters, though not all steal because they want something. Many teens shoplift compulsively because of stress, anxiety, psychological problems, or abuse.

· Teens with a history of habitually ditching school are also found to be at greater risk for involvement with gangs, drugs, alcohol, or violence.



Along with SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guide to Saying No to Cheating and SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guide to Dealing With Tests, SOS: STRESS OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE is one of the exciting books in Kaplan’s new series SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guides.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR



Lisa Medoff, PhD holds a B.A. in psychology, a Masters degree in school counseling and a PhD in child and adolescent development. She has taught courses at Stanford University, Santa Clara University, San Jose State University and DeAnza College. She has worked with all types of children including students with special needs, ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, and anxiety. Lisa Medoff, understands the needs and mind-set of modern teenagers, and has mastered the difficult task of appropriately reaching out to them at their tumultuous life stage.

Teen Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure leads to “Good Teens Making Bad Choices” which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn’t seem right, it usually isn’t. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information.

Teens Say School Pressure Is Main Reason For Drug Use

Source: digtriad.com, Triad, NC

New York — A new study reveals a troubling new insight into the reasons why teens use drugs.The study conducted by the Partnership for a Drug-free America shows that of 6,511 teens, 73% report that school stress and pressure is the main reason for drug use.

Ironically, only 7% of parents believe that teens use drugs to cope with stress.


Second on the list was to “feel cool” (73%), which was previously ranked in the first position. Another popular reason teens said they use drugs was to “feel better about themselves”(65%).Over the past decade, studies have indicated a steady changing trend in what teens perceive as the motivations for using drugs. The “to have fun” rationales are declining, while motivations to use drugs to solve problems are increasing.

On the positive side, the study confirms that overall abuse remains in a steady decline among teens. Marijuana, ecstasy, inhalants, methamphetamine alcohol and cigarette usage continue to decrease.

Additional findings show:

- 1 in 5 teens has abused a prescription medication- Nearly 1 in 5 teens has already abused a prescription painkiller- 41% of teens think it’s safer to abuse a precription drug than it is to use illegal drugs.

Teens continue to take their lives into their own hands when they intentionally abuse prescribed medications, said Pasierb. “Whether it’s to get high or deal with stress, or if they mistakenly believe it will help them perform better in school or sports, teens don’t realize that when used without a prescription, these medicines can be every bit as harmful as illegal street drugs.”

Sexual Harassment by Connect with Kids

By Connect with Kids

“Guys grab my butt… it happens all the time.”

– Louisa, 15 years old

Talk to girls in high schools across the country, and you‘ll hear similar stories about being inappropriately touched in the hallways.

“One of my friends, I mean every single day like guys would hit her butt,” says 14-year-old Jordan.

“Like guys grab my butt, and I just turn around and ‘stop’” adds 15-year-old Louisa.

Apparently there’s a lot of sexual touching and talking going on in school hallways. A new study from U-C Santa Cruz finds that 90 percent of girls report experiencing sexual harassment, including demeaning comments, unwanted attention and physical contact.

But many kids are having trouble with deciding when and how to say no.

“Sometimes you like it when it happens, but sometimes you get confused like should, is this wrong or is this right?” says 12-year-old Zahra.

Experts on the issue suggest the problem is that when it comes to sexual harassment, like other things in a child’s life, they still struggle to separate fantasy from reality.

“They have to differentiate when is it o-k to behave like that, like the movies show, and when is it not o-k. We didn’t have to make that distinction as kids. We knew it was inappropriate,” says counselor Denise Poe.

In and effort to clarify that kind of confusion, expert say both girls and boys should be taught to listen to their own intuition. If a conversation or physical advance feels wrong, it probably is. Kids should understand clearly, that when that happens, it’s not only o-k, but absolutely necessary to say “stop.”

“Let kids know that these behaviors are wrong, that they are harmful, and to let them know what to do if they are faced with that situation. Because maybe dad is telling them boys will be boys and they’re getting other messages from their friends from their family, and we want to tell them no, this will not be tolerated,” says Poe.

Tips for Parents

Sexual harassment in schools is defined as any unwanted, uninvited sexual attention. It may involve remarks, gestures, or actions of a sexual nature that make a person feel unsafe or uncomfortable and that creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive learning environment.

This means that a student is being sexually harassed when someone imposes unwanted and uninvited sexual attention on them. It can occur between people of the same gender, or people of different genders. Sexual harassment can include saying sexual things, making sexual jokes, making sexual gestures, and touching someone in a sexual way.

Here are some examples of student-to-student sexual harassment. To be considered sexual harassment, these behaviors must be unwelcome by the victim.

unwanted, unwelcome physical contact like touching, grabbing or patting;
demeaning nicknames like "chick," "sexy," "stud," or "babe;"
homophobic name calling like "fag", "dyke", "lezzie" or "queer"
cat calls, rating or embarrassing whistles;
insulting remarks about sexual orientation;
sexually insulting remarks about race, gender, ability or class;
bragging about sexual prowess for others to hear;
intimidating hallway behavior;
names written on walls or desks -"for a good time, call ;"
stalking (i.e., following someone)
It is not:

hug between friends;
mutual flirtation.
Although primarily considered an issue affecting adult women in the workplace, there is increasing evidence that student-to-student sexual harassment is growing more prevalent in scholastic environs. Studies have shown that up to 90 percent of the girls and 76 percent of the boys have experienced sexual harassment.

Surveys have also found:

although both girls and boys experience sexual harassment at alarming rates, sexual harassment takes a greater toll on girls
girls who have been harassed are more afraid in school and feel less confident about themselves than boys who have been harassed
sexual harassment in school begins early;
students are harassed by boys and girls;
girls of all races experience more sexual harassment than do boys
Recommendations

According to the U. S. Department of Education, “Sexual harassment can occur at any school activity and can take place in classrooms, halls, cafeterias, dormitories and other areas. Too often, the behavior is allowed to continue simply because students and employees are not informed about what sexual harassment is or how to stop it. Students, parents and school staff must be able to recognize sexual harassment, and understand what they can do to prevent it from occurring and how to stop it if it does occur.

Harassing behavior, if ignored or not reported, is likely to continue and become worse, rather than go away. The impact of sexual harassment on a student's educational progress and attainment of future goals can be significant and should not be underestimated. As a result of sexual harassment, a student may, for example, have trouble learning, drop a class or drop out of school altogether, lose trust in school officials, become isolated, fear for personal safety, or lose self-esteem.

For these reasons, a school should not accept, tolerate or overlook sexual harassment. A school should not excuse the harassment with an attitude of "that's just emerging adolescent sexuality" or "boys will be boys," or ignore it for fear of damaging a professor's reputation. This does nothing to stop the sexual harassment and can even send a message that such conduct is accepted or tolerated by the school. When a school makes it clear that sexual harassment will not be tolerated, trains its staff, and appropriately responds when harassment occurs, students will see the school as a safe place where everyone can learn.”

Sexual harassment involves situations in which the person doing the behavior has more power than the person experiencing the behavior. This means that it can be very difficult for students to solve these problems on their own. Tell your parents or a teacher about the problems you are experiencing.

Here are some things you can do:

It is the responsibility of your school to make the school safe for you. Only do the things recommended below if you are comfortable doing them. If you are not comfortable, then get help from a teacher or counselor.
Be assertive.
Write the harasser a letter.
Document Incidents.
Check with other students.
File a formal complaint.
References
University of California- Santa Cruz
LaMarsh Research Centre: Information And Advice on Student-to-Student Sexual Harassment -
U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights: Sexual Harassment: It’s Not Academic
Hostile Hallways: The AAUW Survey on Sexual Harassment in America's Schools -
Too Many Teens Suffer Sexual Harassment

Sue Scheff: Importance of Friends with Today's Kids

By Connect with Kids http://www.connectwithkids.com/



“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships.”

– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist

Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.

“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.

The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.

It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.

“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.

By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.

“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.

Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”

Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.

Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.

Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says when teenagers begin to feel isolated and stressed out, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness and drug or alcohol abuse.

Why is a feeling of isolation so potentially dangerous? The AACAP says when we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This response – what the AACAP calls the “fight, flight or freeze” response – includes a faster heart and breathing rate, cold or clammy hands and feet, an upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

The AACAP says parents can do the following things to help their teens remain healthy:

Monitor whether or not stress is affecting their health, behavior, thoughts or feelings.
Listen carefully to teens, and watch for “overloading.”
Learn and model stress-management skills.
Support involvement in sports and pro-social activities.
If teens show signs of being overly stressed, it may be best to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional. The following are signs that professional help may be needed:

Disorientation and memory gaps
Severe depression and withdrawal
Substance abuse
Inability to take care of basic needs (eating, drinking, bathing)
Hallucinations
Fear of harming self or others
Inability to make simple decisions
Excessive preoccupation with one thought
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV) says that, despite the tragedy at Columbine and other recent events, schools shootings are still relatively rare. The center points out that school-related deaths since 1992 represent only about 1% of all youth killed with guns during that time period. The National School Safety Center says the odds of a child dying at school remain one in 2 million.

In addition, a study by researchers at the University of Maryland found schools that rely on “secure building” measures, such as cameras and metal detectors, show higher rates of reported victimization than schools that create an atmosphere of nonviolence. They found that clearly defined rules and consequences can be more effective in creating an atmosphere of safety than metal detectors and cameras. Students in schools where rules are emphasized and the consequences of breaking the rules are known to all reported less victimization and disorder.

The CSPV recommends that schools include these steps in their safe school plan:


Create a climate of ownership and school pride.
Enhance multicultural understanding.
Be sure that all students have knowledge of school rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
Add “hard looks” and “stare downs” as actionable offenses to the student code of conduct.
Place students and parents on notice.
Provide adequate adult supervision.
Develop and enforce a school dress code.
Provide teacher training in behavior management.
Implement peer counseling and peer mediation programs.
Create a student advisory council.
Incorporate a life skills curriculum.
Develop a student crime prevention program.
References
The University of Virginia
The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Sue Scheff: The Alliance for Consumer Education

The Alliance for Consumer Education is eight years old today! Founded in 2000, ACE has achieved many goals and provided information on inhalant abuse to countless parents and educators. Have you checked out inhalant.org, or our Message Board? You can read the questions that others have or post one yourself.

Sue Scheff: Teen Cults

Teen cults claim many victims each year

Every year thousands of teens across the country become ensnared in the dangerous and misunderstood world of cults. These hazardous entities prey on the uncertainty and alienation that many teens feel and use those feelings to attract unsuspecting teens into their cult traps. As a figurehead in the world of parent teen relations, Sue Scheff™ knows the danger of cults and teenagers’ susceptibility to their temptations. Sue Scheff™ believes that like many other teen\ ailments, the best defense against the world of cults is through education.

No teen actually joins a cult, they join a religious movement or a political organization that reaches out to the feelings of angst or isolation that many troubled teen’s experience. Over time, this group gradually reveals its true cultish nature, and before teens know it, they are trapped in a web they can’t untangle.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

With the strong rise in teen internet usage, cults have many ways to contact children and brainwash them. Sue Scheff™ knows the dark side of the internet from her experience with teenage internet addiction, and she understands it is also an avenue for cults to infiltrate teenage brains.

Cults have long been represented in the mass media. The supporters of Reverend Jim Jones People’s Temple may be some of the most famous cult members, making global headlines when they died in the hundreds after drinking Kool-Aid laced with cyanide. Almost 300 of the dead Jones supporters were teens and young children. Heavens Gate is another well known cult, which believed ritual suicide would ensure their journey behind the Hale-Bopp comet with Jesus. Heavens Gate lived in a strict communal environment, funding their cult endeavors through web site development. Some male members of the cult even castrated themselves before all 36 committed suicide, wearing matching sweat suits and Nike tennis shoes.

It is clear that despite the ridiculous and bizarre nature of many cults, parents can’t ignore the power and resourcefulness of these groups. Cult ideas may seem to loony to take seriously, but they can have real power when used against troubled teenagers, the exact type of teens that Sue Scheff™ and other parent advocates have been working to keep safe.

Cult influence should not be taken lightly, especially when living with a troubled teen. Parents may not think of cults as a problem because they don’t hear about them a lot, but that’s the key to cult success. The livelihood of teen cults relies on staying out of the public eye and in the shadows. The Heaven’s Gate and People’s Temple cults didn’t truly gain public notice until after their suicides, and by then it was too late to save their followers.

The danger of teen cults is real, but parents can help ensure their teenagers’ safety by staying informed and communicating with their children. Sue Scheff™ presents a site with important information about different types of cults that target teens, warning signs of cult attendance, and ways to help prevent your teen from becoming involved in a cult. Knowledge and communication is always the first line of defense when helping a troubled teen.

Sue Scheff: Discipline Do’s: Creating Limits for ADHD Children

5 ways for parents of ADHD children to establish a reliable structure and solid limits.

Your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) is loving, intelligent, cute, creative — and often wants his own way. He has the talk and charm to out-debate you, and will negotiate until the 59th minute of the 23rd hour. Like salesmen who won’t take no for an answer, he can wear you down until you give in to his wishes.

Click here for complete article.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teenage Depression

Teen Depression Risk Factors by DepressionReport.info

There are a number of factors that put a teen at a higher risk for developing depression. Many of these risk factor are red flags for parents, friends, and loved ones to watch out for in a teenager. These factors include:



Experiencing problems or difficulty at school.

Going through a traumatic event. Examples include parents who get divorced, abusive parents, the death of a loved one, or a break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Weight loss or weight gain.

Difficulty dealing with anger.

Developing an interest in violence or a becoming increasingly fearful of violence.

Difficulty sleeping.

Developing an interest in drugs or alcohol.


Teenage depression is the leading cause of teenage suicide. Yet, approximately 80% of teenagers thinking of suicide leave clues. Through careful observation and an understanding of the risk factors of teenage depression, many of these suicides can be prevented.


Causes of Teenage Depression

Teenage depression is largely caused by stress. During the adolescent years, a person undergoes a number of emotional, physical, and mental changes. First of all, hormones start raging and bring with them a plethora of confusing emotions. In addition, teenagers often feel a great deal of pressure from their parents and from teachers to do well in school and to participate in athletics. Furthermore, peer pressure and an overwhelming desire to do whatever it takes to fit in with their peers causes teenagers a great deal of stress.

The stress teenagers feel can result in anger, nervousness, and an inability to concentrate. It can also lead to physical symptoms such as nausea and headaches. Ultimately, the stress can cause social withdraw and depression.


Preventing Teenage Depression

Thankfully, there are several steps a parent can take to prevent teenage depression from setting in on their child.

The first is to always utilize positive disciplinary techniques. Desirable behaviors should be reinforced through praise and recognition rather than utilizing punishment and shame techniques. Punishment and shaming only serves to leave the teenager feeling worthless and inadequate.

At the same time, parents must be careful not to overprotect or to overdirect their teenagers. Children and young adults need to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.

Protecting your teen from experiencing mistakes, or continually telling your child what to do rather than letting him or her make independent decisions, will ultimately make them feel as if you have know faith in his or her ability to make decisions.

It is also important to never push your teen to participate in certain activities because you want him or her to reach your unachieved goals. Your child needs to find his or her own sense of identity and worth.

Sue Scheff: Helping Teens Avoid Bad Decisions and Risky Behavior

by Connect with Kids

Good Kids, Bad Choices

All kids make mistakes … but some bad choices can lead to terrible outcomes. As parents, we need to do everything in our power to help our children learn to make smart decisions. How do you help your kids learn about the consequences of a split-second decision? How do you help them avoid dangerous and risky situations?

Learn what leads kids to make bad decisions… and how parents can help with Good Kids, Bad Choices.

What is your greatest fear for your child? Car accident? Drug or alcohol addiction? Sexually transmitted disease? Unplanned pregnancy? Physical disability? Death? When it comes to learning how to avoid bad decisions, children need the guidance and insights that only parents can provide.

So how do parents learn what situations kids get themselves into? Why they make bad choices?
Order Good Kids, Bad Choices and find out.

You'll see real teenagers talk about the split-second decisions they made … the terrible outcomes … and what they wish they had done instead. You'll learn tips from experts and parenting advice about the steps you can take to help your child learn to make better decisions. And you'll hear the inspiration from families who can help your family – before it's too late.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.