Sue Scheff: Balanced Parenting

“Helping families successfully balance the joys and challenges of family life”

Welcome to Balanced Parenting!

Are you exhausted at the end of the day with your kids?

Do you feel like you argue or negotiate with your kids day and night?

Are you worried that your kids aren’t respectful?

Baby sleep issues?

Do you expect too little of your kids?

Do your kids expect too much of you?

Is your marriage suffering because all of your energy goes to your kids?

Together, we can tackle these issues and bring more peace and family togetherness into your home.

Visit for more information: http://www.balancedparenting.com/

Sue Scheff: A Parent's Guide to Middle School Years

By Joe Bruzzesse

This fantastic book is on book shelves now! Order on Amazon today - place the title in the Amazon Box on the side of the Blog.

Because today's children seem to grow up so fast, middle school has become the new high school. Concerns about homework, social issues, technology, and emotional health confront parents earlier than they would like or expect. Educator and parent Joe Bruzzese offers practical, empowering help for parents along with guidelines for their children, such as rules for using cell phones and tips for productive parent-teacher relationships.

Click here to order: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1587613417

This streamlined guide helps parents and their families move toward the goal of not just surviving, but thriving in the middle school years.

Sue Scheff: Helping Kids Cope with Cliques

Source: TeensHealth

Your 10-year-old daughter comes home crying because the girls she's been friends with are suddenly leaving her out and spreading rumors about her. She's confused because it seemed to happen out of the blue. She doesn't know what she did wrong and is nervous about returning to school, unsure if she has any friends.

Given how prevalent cliques are throughout middle and high school, at some point your child is likely to face the prospect of being in one or being excluded from them. There's little you can do to shield kids from cliques, but plenty you can do to help them maintain confidence and self-respect while negotiating cliques and understanding what true friendship is all about.

What's a Clique?

Friendship is an important part of kids' development. Having friends helps them be independent beyond the family and prepares them for the mutual, trusting relationships we hope they'll establish as adults.

Groups of friends are different from cliques in some important ways. Friendships grow out of shared interests, sports, activities, classes, neighborhoods, or even family connections. In groups of friends, members are free to socialize and hang out with others outside the group without worrying about being cast out. They may not do everything together — and that's OK.

Cliques sometimes form around common interests, but the social dynamics are very different. Cliques are usually tightly controlled by leaders who decide who is "in" and who is "out." The kids in the clique do most things together. Someone who has a friend outside the clique may face rejection or ridicule.

Members of the clique usually follow the leader's rules, whether it's wearing particular clothes or doing certain activities. Cliques usually involve lots of rules — implied and clearly stated — and intense pressure to follow them. Kids in cliques often worry about whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll be dropped for doing or saying the wrong thing or for not dressing in a certain way. This can create a lot of pressure, particularly for girls, who might be driven to extreme dieting and eating disorders or even to ask for plastic surgery. Others may be pressured to take risks like steal, pull pranks, or bully other kids in order to stay in the clique.

Read more: http://teenshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/cliques.html

Sue Scheff: Girl Sex Boundaries

Source: Connect with Kids

"It might be hard the first couple of times, but after you keep that standard for yourself all the time, then others will learn to accept it."-Tasleem Jadabji, a teen-

At parties, in school parking lots or when they’re just hanging out, girls are often pressured by boys to “fool around” and have sex. But now more than ever, girls are gaining the confidence to answer their male counterparts with a resounding “no.”

“It might be hard the first couple of times, but after you keep that standard for yourself all the time, then others will learn to accept it,” says Tasleem Jadabji, a teen.

“Just standing up for yourself over time will help give you that confidence,” adds her friend, Shoba Reddy-Holdcraft.

According to an analysis of survey data published in Context, a journal of the American Sociological Association, more girls are prolonging sexual abstinence and influencing boys to do the same.

“Guys are becoming more … tolerant, patient and aware of the fact that there are girls who don’t want to have sex and that the pressure is not going to change their minds,” Kristen Baker says.

“By doing that, they learn that you’re serious, so they take you more serious and you gain their respect, and you respect them for respecting you,” adds Courtney McIntosh.

The study’s findings reveal that girls are even becoming more outspoken about who they are and what they want.

“Girls are starting to watch programs that empower them, that say, ‘Hey, it’s OK to be free to respect your body, to respect yourself,’ and I think they’re also becoming more aware that not everyone is having sex,” says Sharina Prince, a health educator.

And sex isn’t the only area where girls are drawing the line.

“We don’t just go along with whatever, and we speak our minds more instead of just letting someone else tell us what to do about everything, what to wear, what we should do, who we should hang out with,” Courtney says.

Experts say that parents can play a key role in helping their teens make positive health decisions by giving them two powerful weapons: self confidence and knowledge.

“In developing or establishing a really positive relationship so that the teen feels empowered and feels like they understand, have an understanding about sexuality education,” Prince advises.

Teen Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure leads to "Good Teens Making Bad Choices" which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

Sue Scheff: Teen Birth Rates Up?

Teen birth rates up? Parents need to take steps to learn why - what can they do to help their young teens understand having a child is not easy. Before you are faced with this difficult and sensitive situations, continue opening communication about sex as well as contraceptives. Years ago a young teen getting pregnant seemed like the worst possible situation - now having unprotected sex can not only lead to pregnancy and big decisions for young teens, but deadly diseases. Take time to learn more.

Source: Connect with Kids

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental.”
– Laura Mee, Ph.D., Child Psychologist.

One girl gives birth to a baby. Another plays basketball with her brother. What’s the connection?

Studies show girls who play sports are less likely to have sex and less likely to get pregnant. One reason may be these athletes gain confidence and respect for their bodies.
“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental,” explains child psychologist, Dr. Laura Mee.

Experts say experiencing pressure on the court gives them the strength to resist pressure from a boyfriend. And, in their free time, it gives them something else to focus on besides how they look, “Their hair, their clothes, their, like reputation… mostly all they want to do is impress the boys,” says 12-year-old Claire.

What’s more, studies have found that athletic girls have higher self-esteem, better grades and less stress.
So, experts say, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and then cheer them on. “Make it as important that your daughters have sporting events as you would for your son that you treat them as equally as you possibly can, that you support and encourage and that the other children, whether they are male or female, support and encourage each other in their sports activities,” says Mee.

Tips for Parents

Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens “the talk” before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more “casual.”

The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The “holiday season effect” makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.

All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:

Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, “I wish I’d talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had.”

Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.

Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.

Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child’s thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. “My friend Mary is going out on a real date,” could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.
Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:
Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.

Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.

Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.

Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.

Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.
Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.

Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.

References
Advocates for Youth Campaign
Journal of Marriage and Family
National Parent Teacher Association
Washington State Department of Health

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Teen Truancy

As second semester is open, the phones are ringing and the parents have a common thread, their teens are not going to school! Skipping classes and already talking about dropping out.

Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate “excused” absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school’s handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.

Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student’s education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent’s self-esteem.

Read the causes here.

Sue Scheff - Teen Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure leads to "Good Teens Making Bad Choices" which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help.

Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction.

It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form. Please visit Informational Articles for more beneficial information.*Local Therapist should be Therapist/Counselors that "specialize" with Adolescents.

Sue Scheff: PE4Life - Parenting Teens

Parents are busy with a full workday, helping their children with homework, engaging their children in after school activities, and so on. This doesn't leave a whole lot of time for physical activity in your own lives. Do you realize that schools have devalued and cut physical education to the point that the majority of children get one day of PE per week? Children today have a shorter life expectancy than their parents for the first time in one hundred years because of the epidemic of obesity, according to Dr. William Klish, Professor of Pediatrics and Head of Pediatric Gastroenterology at Baylor College of Medicine. Lack of PE at school is a disservice to your child's health. Speak up. Demand that your school offers daily quality physical education. Use PE4life as a resource partner to enhance your school's PE program. A recent study revealed that 81% of teachers and 85% of parents favor requiring students to take physical education every day at every grade level. As parents, you can rally people in your community to get involved by ordering a PE4life Community Action kit video and show it to the PTA, the school board and other community groups. The next step is to invite PE4life to make a presentation to your school leaders, bring a team of people to train at a PE4life Academy, or invite PE4life to do an in-service for your school staff. As your resource partner, PE4life can provide these and many other services to your school as you work to get children more active and healthy.

www.pe4life.org

Sue Scheff - Identity Theft and Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“If they’ve managed to get a hold of your Social Security number and take out credit card applications in your name, that may go on for months before you realize it and it may actually take you years to resolve the problem.”

– Suzanne Boas, president, Consumer Credit Counseling Service

Identity theft is an ever-increasing threat for all consumers -- one that could damage your credit ratings and cost you thousands of dollars. And teenagers are among the most vulnerable.

Suzanne Boas, president, Consumer Credit Counseling Service, has seen the damage first-hand. “It is frightening to think what can happen to you when someone gets a hold of your identity,” she says.

Hailey Lowe, 18, has heard of one way thieves can steal identities. “I guess they could … get online – I’ve heard of people doing that – get online, take your identity and buy stuff,” she says.

And that’s just the beginning. Boas says, “If they’ve managed to get a hold of your Social Security number and take out credit card applications in your name, that may go on for months before you realize it and it may actually take you years to resolve the problem.”

The far-reaching effects of identity-theft create countless hurdles to overcome. “You may have difficulty getting a job where a credit report is required. You may have trouble renting an apartment. You may have trouble leasing a car. You may have all sorts of difficulties that you can’t even imagine now,” says Boas.

While everyone is at risk, why are teenagers being singled out?

Boas says, “A teenager is a perfect target; just by virtue of their age, they’ve got an unblemished credit record to begin with.”

That’s why, experts say, parents need to help kids protect themselves.

“Number one would be leave your Social Security card at home,” says Boas. “Secondly, make sure you protect your credit cards all the time, and your checkbook. Don’t take them when you’re going out partying.”

And third, remember that your identity can be stolen online.

“So if you’re going to use a credit card on the Internet,” says Boas, “make sure that you’re going into a secure website.”

Knowing the risks of theft is the first step in protecting your identity and your financial future. And Hailey Lowe is now more aware.

“I think I’ll try harder definitely, knowing that it’s a bigger risk than I thought before,” she says.

Tips for Parents
In recent years, identity theft has become a very serious threat, due in part to the Internet and the availability of online activities, such as banking, shopping, and gaming. Consider the following statistics:

The average cost to an identity-theft victim is more than $1,000 to remedy damages. Sometimes it takes years to set things straight.
Consumer groups estimate that as many as 750,000 people a year are victims of identity theft.
Identity theft is the most popular form of consumer fraud, in part because it is the most profitable. Identity thieves stole nearly $100 million from financial institutions last year, or an average of $6,767 per victim.
One of the first question parents ask is, “How do thieves steal my information, or my child’s information?” According to the Identity Theft Resources Center, thieves work in a number of ways. They can:

Go through your trash, looking for straight cut or un-shredded papers and records.
Steal your mail, wallet or purse.
Listen in on conversations you or your child have in public.
Trick you or your child into giving them information over the telephone or by email.
Buy the information via the Internet or from someone else who might have stolen it.
Steal it from a loan or credit card application you or your child may have filled out, or from files at a hospital, bank, school or business that you deal with. Thieves may obtain these records from trash dumpsters outside of such companies.
Get it from your computer, especially those without firewalls.
Be someone you know – even a friend or relative -- who has access to your information.
If you or your child becomes a victim of identity theft, experts at the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) offer the following suggestions:

Contact the fraud department of any of the three major credit bureaus to place a fraud alert on your credit file. The fraud alert requests creditors to contact you before opening any new accounts or making any changes to your existing accounts. As soon as the credit bureau confirms your fraud alert, the other two credit bureaus will automatically be notified to also place fraud alerts. Each bureau will send you credit reports free of charge.
Close any of your accounts that you suspect have been tampered with, as well as any new accounts that have been opened fraudulently. Use the ID Theft Affidavit when disputing new unauthorized accounts.
File a police report, and get a copy of the report to submit to your creditors and others that may require proof of the crime.
File your complaint with the FTC. The FTC maintains a database of identity theft cases used by law enforcement agencies for investigations. Filing a complaint also helps the FTC learn more about identity theft and the problems victims have.
References
Identity Theft Resource Center
Federal Trade Commission
Privacy Rights Clearinghouse

Sue Scheff: Teen Shoplifting

As a parent advocate, I hear from parents on a weekly basis and one subject matter that is always discussed at least once a week, is their child shoplifting aka - stealing! Why? The teens usually don’t have to do this, however it becomes a “cool” thing that others are doing - and peer pressure to fit in can cause your child to participate in an act they know is not right.

There have been reports that most kids don’t steal because they need to, or financial issues or need - it is simply peer pressure to fit in with a poplular (in their eyes) group of kids.

Learn More from the National Association of Shoplifting Prevention - Being an educated parent can help prevent your teen from making bad choices.

Prevent Consumer Shoplifting by Raising Awareness!80% of shoplifting offenders believe that people shoplift because they don’t fully understand the crime’s harmful effect on themselves, the victims and the community.

Help Stop Your Kids From Shoplifting - visit http://www.stopyourkidsfromshoplifting.com/

TEEN PEER PRESSURE - SOS

I was just recommended this dynamic book by Dr. Lisa Medoff and can’t wait to read it! As a Parent Advocate, this can be one of the most trying times for parents as school is opening. Today with issues surrounding social networking, compounded with peer pressure - “Stressed Out Students” are at risk of making not so good choices.

Here is the recent Press Release about “SOS” - which can be purchased on Amazon today!

SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S

GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE



Lisa Medoff, PhD



In a society overloaded with media that glamorizes sex, drinking, and drugs, and where any outrageous, dangerous, humiliating thing a person does can be caught on a cell phone and posted on the internet for all to see, teens are feeling forced to succumb to peer pressure like never before. As peers become the pseudo “paparazzi,” teens need somewhere to turn for answers that give them the strength to reject the constant pressure to “fit in.”



Now Kaplan - widely respected for helping millions of students prepare for every aspect of academic life - steps outside the classroom to guide teens, parents, and educators on the ever-increasing pressure-cooker of adolescence. Its SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guide series offers realistic advice written by students, for students, on the topics of most concern to today’s teens. Every book in the motivational series also features advice from Education.com columnist, educator, and psychologist Lisa Medoff, PhD, who works with troubled teens and teachers in high-risk school districts.



SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE (Kaplan Publishing; September, 2008) hones in on and tackles the scourge of peer pressure and its effects on teenagers. As Dr. Medoff assures readers, “This book will help teens sort out the different influences that peer pressure is having on them. It will show them how peer pressure can manipulate them into making some very bad, life altering decisions about drugs, sex, cheating, stealing, and being cruel to others. They’ll learn to trust themselves and be proud of who they are.”



Featuring frank, realistic language plus an engaging, highly illustrated layout, SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE is designed to appeal to the modern teenager’s eye, attention span, and need for quick gratification. It is also an imperative handbook for adults who want to understand and open the lines of communication with the adolescents in their lives.



Without preaching, each of the ten easy to read chapters in SOS: STRESSED OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE is packed with explanations, scenarios, stats, and fascinating facts such as:



· 1 in 4 sexually active teens becomes infected with an STD each year.

· Nationally, 6 out of 10 girls who had sex before the age of 15 report that it was involuntary.

· Teens and juveniles make up 25% of all shoplifters, though not all steal because they want something. Many teens shoplift compulsively because of stress, anxiety, psychological problems, or abuse.

· Teens with a history of habitually ditching school are also found to be at greater risk for involvement with gangs, drugs, alcohol, or violence.



Along with SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guide to Saying No to Cheating and SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guide to Dealing With Tests, SOS: STRESS OUT STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HANDLING PEER PRESSURE is one of the exciting books in Kaplan’s new series SOS: Stressed Out Student’s Guides.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR



Lisa Medoff, PhD holds a B.A. in psychology, a Masters degree in school counseling and a PhD in child and adolescent development. She has taught courses at Stanford University, Santa Clara University, San Jose State University and DeAnza College. She has worked with all types of children including students with special needs, ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, and anxiety. Lisa Medoff, understands the needs and mind-set of modern teenagers, and has mastered the difficult task of appropriately reaching out to them at their tumultuous life stage.

Teen Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure leads to “Good Teens Making Bad Choices” which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn’t seem right, it usually isn’t. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information.

Teens Say School Pressure Is Main Reason For Drug Use

Source: digtriad.com, Triad, NC

New York — A new study reveals a troubling new insight into the reasons why teens use drugs.The study conducted by the Partnership for a Drug-free America shows that of 6,511 teens, 73% report that school stress and pressure is the main reason for drug use.

Ironically, only 7% of parents believe that teens use drugs to cope with stress.


Second on the list was to “feel cool” (73%), which was previously ranked in the first position. Another popular reason teens said they use drugs was to “feel better about themselves”(65%).Over the past decade, studies have indicated a steady changing trend in what teens perceive as the motivations for using drugs. The “to have fun” rationales are declining, while motivations to use drugs to solve problems are increasing.

On the positive side, the study confirms that overall abuse remains in a steady decline among teens. Marijuana, ecstasy, inhalants, methamphetamine alcohol and cigarette usage continue to decrease.

Additional findings show:

- 1 in 5 teens has abused a prescription medication- Nearly 1 in 5 teens has already abused a prescription painkiller- 41% of teens think it’s safer to abuse a precription drug than it is to use illegal drugs.

Teens continue to take their lives into their own hands when they intentionally abuse prescribed medications, said Pasierb. “Whether it’s to get high or deal with stress, or if they mistakenly believe it will help them perform better in school or sports, teens don’t realize that when used without a prescription, these medicines can be every bit as harmful as illegal street drugs.”

Sexual Harassment by Connect with Kids

By Connect with Kids

“Guys grab my butt… it happens all the time.”

– Louisa, 15 years old

Talk to girls in high schools across the country, and you‘ll hear similar stories about being inappropriately touched in the hallways.

“One of my friends, I mean every single day like guys would hit her butt,” says 14-year-old Jordan.

“Like guys grab my butt, and I just turn around and ‘stop’” adds 15-year-old Louisa.

Apparently there’s a lot of sexual touching and talking going on in school hallways. A new study from U-C Santa Cruz finds that 90 percent of girls report experiencing sexual harassment, including demeaning comments, unwanted attention and physical contact.

But many kids are having trouble with deciding when and how to say no.

“Sometimes you like it when it happens, but sometimes you get confused like should, is this wrong or is this right?” says 12-year-old Zahra.

Experts on the issue suggest the problem is that when it comes to sexual harassment, like other things in a child’s life, they still struggle to separate fantasy from reality.

“They have to differentiate when is it o-k to behave like that, like the movies show, and when is it not o-k. We didn’t have to make that distinction as kids. We knew it was inappropriate,” says counselor Denise Poe.

In and effort to clarify that kind of confusion, expert say both girls and boys should be taught to listen to their own intuition. If a conversation or physical advance feels wrong, it probably is. Kids should understand clearly, that when that happens, it’s not only o-k, but absolutely necessary to say “stop.”

“Let kids know that these behaviors are wrong, that they are harmful, and to let them know what to do if they are faced with that situation. Because maybe dad is telling them boys will be boys and they’re getting other messages from their friends from their family, and we want to tell them no, this will not be tolerated,” says Poe.

Tips for Parents

Sexual harassment in schools is defined as any unwanted, uninvited sexual attention. It may involve remarks, gestures, or actions of a sexual nature that make a person feel unsafe or uncomfortable and that creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive learning environment.

This means that a student is being sexually harassed when someone imposes unwanted and uninvited sexual attention on them. It can occur between people of the same gender, or people of different genders. Sexual harassment can include saying sexual things, making sexual jokes, making sexual gestures, and touching someone in a sexual way.

Here are some examples of student-to-student sexual harassment. To be considered sexual harassment, these behaviors must be unwelcome by the victim.

unwanted, unwelcome physical contact like touching, grabbing or patting;
demeaning nicknames like "chick," "sexy," "stud," or "babe;"
homophobic name calling like "fag", "dyke", "lezzie" or "queer"
cat calls, rating or embarrassing whistles;
insulting remarks about sexual orientation;
sexually insulting remarks about race, gender, ability or class;
bragging about sexual prowess for others to hear;
intimidating hallway behavior;
names written on walls or desks -"for a good time, call ;"
stalking (i.e., following someone)
It is not:

hug between friends;
mutual flirtation.
Although primarily considered an issue affecting adult women in the workplace, there is increasing evidence that student-to-student sexual harassment is growing more prevalent in scholastic environs. Studies have shown that up to 90 percent of the girls and 76 percent of the boys have experienced sexual harassment.

Surveys have also found:

although both girls and boys experience sexual harassment at alarming rates, sexual harassment takes a greater toll on girls
girls who have been harassed are more afraid in school and feel less confident about themselves than boys who have been harassed
sexual harassment in school begins early;
students are harassed by boys and girls;
girls of all races experience more sexual harassment than do boys
Recommendations

According to the U. S. Department of Education, “Sexual harassment can occur at any school activity and can take place in classrooms, halls, cafeterias, dormitories and other areas. Too often, the behavior is allowed to continue simply because students and employees are not informed about what sexual harassment is or how to stop it. Students, parents and school staff must be able to recognize sexual harassment, and understand what they can do to prevent it from occurring and how to stop it if it does occur.

Harassing behavior, if ignored or not reported, is likely to continue and become worse, rather than go away. The impact of sexual harassment on a student's educational progress and attainment of future goals can be significant and should not be underestimated. As a result of sexual harassment, a student may, for example, have trouble learning, drop a class or drop out of school altogether, lose trust in school officials, become isolated, fear for personal safety, or lose self-esteem.

For these reasons, a school should not accept, tolerate or overlook sexual harassment. A school should not excuse the harassment with an attitude of "that's just emerging adolescent sexuality" or "boys will be boys," or ignore it for fear of damaging a professor's reputation. This does nothing to stop the sexual harassment and can even send a message that such conduct is accepted or tolerated by the school. When a school makes it clear that sexual harassment will not be tolerated, trains its staff, and appropriately responds when harassment occurs, students will see the school as a safe place where everyone can learn.”

Sexual harassment involves situations in which the person doing the behavior has more power than the person experiencing the behavior. This means that it can be very difficult for students to solve these problems on their own. Tell your parents or a teacher about the problems you are experiencing.

Here are some things you can do:

It is the responsibility of your school to make the school safe for you. Only do the things recommended below if you are comfortable doing them. If you are not comfortable, then get help from a teacher or counselor.
Be assertive.
Write the harasser a letter.
Document Incidents.
Check with other students.
File a formal complaint.
References
University of California- Santa Cruz
LaMarsh Research Centre: Information And Advice on Student-to-Student Sexual Harassment -
U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights: Sexual Harassment: It’s Not Academic
Hostile Hallways: The AAUW Survey on Sexual Harassment in America's Schools -
Too Many Teens Suffer Sexual Harassment

Teen Peer Pressure, Troubled Teens, Struggling Teens, At Risk Teens, by Sue Scheff

Are you at your wit’s end?

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.

• Is your teen escalating out of control?
• Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
• Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
• Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
• Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
• Is your teen verbally abusive?
• Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
• Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
• Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Does your teen belong to a gang?
• Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
• Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
• Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
• Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
• Does he/she steal?
• Is your teen sexually active?
• Teen pregnancy?
• Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
• Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
• Low self esteem and low self worth?
• Lack of motivation? Low energy?
• Mood Swings? Anxiety?
• Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
• Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
• Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
• High School drop-out?
• Suspended or Expelled from school?
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
• ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
• Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
• Juvenile Delinquent?
• Conduct Disorder?
• Bipolar?
• Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

• Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent? Are you at your wit’s end?


Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.



Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, please contact us. http://www.helpyourteens.com/free_information.shtml An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. It is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems. Be prepared – do your homework.

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change. Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention. Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need. Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there.

Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

• Helping Teens - not Harming them
• Building them up - not Breaking them down
• Positive and Nurturing Environments - not Punitive
• Family Involvement in Programs - not Isolation from the teen
• Protect Children - not Punish them

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/
http://www.suescheff.com/

Sue Scheff: Importance of Friends with Today's Kids

By Connect with Kids http://www.connectwithkids.com/



“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships.”

– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist

Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.

“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.

The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.

It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.

“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.

By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.

“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.

Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”

Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.

Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.

Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says when teenagers begin to feel isolated and stressed out, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness and drug or alcohol abuse.

Why is a feeling of isolation so potentially dangerous? The AACAP says when we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This response – what the AACAP calls the “fight, flight or freeze” response – includes a faster heart and breathing rate, cold or clammy hands and feet, an upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

The AACAP says parents can do the following things to help their teens remain healthy:

Monitor whether or not stress is affecting their health, behavior, thoughts or feelings.
Listen carefully to teens, and watch for “overloading.”
Learn and model stress-management skills.
Support involvement in sports and pro-social activities.
If teens show signs of being overly stressed, it may be best to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional. The following are signs that professional help may be needed:

Disorientation and memory gaps
Severe depression and withdrawal
Substance abuse
Inability to take care of basic needs (eating, drinking, bathing)
Hallucinations
Fear of harming self or others
Inability to make simple decisions
Excessive preoccupation with one thought
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV) says that, despite the tragedy at Columbine and other recent events, schools shootings are still relatively rare. The center points out that school-related deaths since 1992 represent only about 1% of all youth killed with guns during that time period. The National School Safety Center says the odds of a child dying at school remain one in 2 million.

In addition, a study by researchers at the University of Maryland found schools that rely on “secure building” measures, such as cameras and metal detectors, show higher rates of reported victimization than schools that create an atmosphere of nonviolence. They found that clearly defined rules and consequences can be more effective in creating an atmosphere of safety than metal detectors and cameras. Students in schools where rules are emphasized and the consequences of breaking the rules are known to all reported less victimization and disorder.

The CSPV recommends that schools include these steps in their safe school plan:


Create a climate of ownership and school pride.
Enhance multicultural understanding.
Be sure that all students have knowledge of school rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
Add “hard looks” and “stare downs” as actionable offenses to the student code of conduct.
Place students and parents on notice.
Provide adequate adult supervision.
Develop and enforce a school dress code.
Provide teacher training in behavior management.
Implement peer counseling and peer mediation programs.
Create a student advisory council.
Incorporate a life skills curriculum.
Develop a student crime prevention program.
References
The University of Virginia
The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Eating Disorders

By Johanna Curtis

Teen Eating Disorders – Recognising Bulimia and Anorexia

Does Your Teenage Boy or Girl Show Weight Loss, Increased Body Hair, Acne?: How to Spot the Signs of an Eating Disorder

Is your teen losing weight, suffering from severe acne, hiding food, or fasting? Could it be Anorexia or Bulimia? Causes, symptoms and treament discussed.

Is your teen losing weight, suffering skin problems like severe acne, hiding food, binging, vomiting or fasting? He or she might have an eating disorder.

Anorexia nervosa and Bulimia are serious eating disorders that have severe health impacts, sometimes even causing death in teens as young as eleven or twelve.

Weight loss, over-excercising, teenage acne,counting calories, depression and disorted body image, binging or uncontrolled eating, vomiting, and hiding food. These are just some of the symptoms. There are many others.

Symptoms of Anorexia:

• Weight loss-15% below the ideal weight for her age and height.
• Being obsessive about counting calories and eating fat-free foods.
• A fear of gaining weight.
• Being cagey about eating habits.
• Obsessive and compulsive or excessive exercising.
• Abusing laxatives or diuretics.
• Mood and emotional problems like depression or anxiety.
• A severely distorted self and body image.
• Loss of bone mass.
• Absence of menstrual periods.
• Low body temperature.
• Death-from dehydration, heart failure or other causes.

The main symptom of Anorexia Nervosa is a marked fear of being fat and obssessions about being and becoming thin. This usually translates into intense and secretive efforts to avoid food. No matter how thin an anorexic girl or by becmes they will still see themselves as fat. Ultimately the person will starve themselves, and use excercise and laxatives to aid this process.

Unfortunately attempting to force an anorexic teen to eat will likely end in failure and might even make the problem worse. This is because the disorder isn’t really about food or weight. Some patients become obsessed with other health concerns like treating acne, hair care, or how they dress and behave.

Anorexia is more than just a desire to look good or be accepted. Teens with these diseases are looking for more than just a perfect body. Anorexia is a complex psychological disorder that is linked to severe depression and low self-esteem.

Symptoms of Bulimia:

• Uncontrollable eating (binge eating).
• Dieting, fasting and vomiting as weight control measures.
• Visiting the bathroom often after eating –usually to purge.
• Heartburn, indigestion or sore throat.
• Being obssessive about body weight.
• Mood changes and depression.
• Hoarding or hiding food.
• Dental changes such as loss of enamel, cavities and abrasions –due to frequent vomiting.
• Dehydration and electrolyte loss.
• Bowel, kidney and liver damage.
• Irregular heartbeat and possible cardiac arrest.

Teens with bulimia eat very large amounts of food and then induce vomiting to remove the food from their bodies. They are not comfortable or happy with their self and body image.

Most appear to be of normal weight, which can make the disorder difficult to spot, but some are underweight or overweight. Some sufferers also abuse drugs and alcohol. Bear in mind that many obese people have binge eating disorder but this is not the same as Bulumia.

Who gets Anorexia and Bulimia?

Around 75% of girls are not happy about their weight or feel they are too fat. Anorexia occurs only in 1% of girls worldwide. Do bear in mind that while eating disorders are more common in girls they also affect teen boys.

About 90% of sufferers are girls between 12 and 25 (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Fewer than 10% are boys or men. It is more prevalent in groups that value slim physiques such as athletes, dancers or models. As already mentioned eating disorders may be masked in seeking treatment for acne, skin problems, tooth decay etc. just as an adult might.

What causes eating disorders?

It is not known exactly why one person will develop an eating disorder and another won’t. In two thirds of cases dieting can trigger the disease, but this is not the only important trigger mechanism. Most girls and boys with eating disorders have low self and body image or co-existing emotional disorders like anxiety and depression.

How dangerous are eating disorders?

The effects of both Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia can be very damaging to the general health. They can even cause death. Diuretics (water pills), laxatives, and weight loss pills can be very damaging to the body’s organs. Syrup of ipecac is often used to induce vomiting and is also deadly if used in excess. Very low body weight on its own offers some life-threatening complications.

Some effects are minor such as skin, hair problems and back acne, for which treatment might be sought. Most teenagers do not need any type of diet, except a healthy one. If your teen is overweight good eating habits and exercise is usually all that is needed to bring the problem under control.

The body mass index (BMI) of a teen is more important than calorie and pound counting. A body mass index below the 5th percentile for the child’s age and sex can be considered underweight. Consult BMI tables for more information.

How to help your teen cope with an eating disorder:

Teens can be helped to avoid falling prey to unhealthy obsessions with food or weight by learning early on to associate healthy eating with good health and self-love. Avoid excessive focus on weight within the family and place the emphasis on lifestyle changes not dieting.

If you suspect that your teen has an eating disorder, use "I” statements and make sure he or she understands that you are concerned not judging. It is important to LISTEN. The average teen finds it hard to share emotions, and these teens are especially blocked or sensitive.

In Anorexia nervosa it is very important that some weight is regained as soon as possible so this should be an important goal of treatment. To do this, teens will need to overcome fears and perceptions in a therapeutic setting. In most cases any eating disorder is best dealt with at a clinic or facility especially tailored for this.

Concerned parents can call the National Eating Disorders Association’s Toll-Free Information and Referral HelpLine at 1-800-931-2237.

If you uncover that your child does have an eating disorder he or she needs to be evaluated as soon as possible. Eating disorders need to be properly diagnosed by medical and psychiatric professionals. They always need medical attention.

The National Institute of Mental Health has an online brochure on eating disorders that discusses current research.

Eating Disorders will also provide parents with information. Teens should read: Eating Disorders: Facts for Teens.

Sue Scheff: Teen Career Angst by Connect with Kids

By Connect with Kids

“I want to be at the top of the pile, and if I’m not there, I feel like I gotta do a lot of things to get there.”

– Michael, 14

There’s growing evidence that kids today are more worried about their future than previous generations. And that anxiety is occurring in younger and younger children. How can this type of anxiety impact your child?

Whether they’re involved in sports, clubs or academics, kids today are quickly learning that competition is a part of life.

“I think there is more competition these days to go to the best college, to make the best SAT scores, and it’s like everybody is trying to be the best,” 14-year-old Connie says.

Even at the tender ages of 12, 13 and 14, adolescents begin to worry about the future – “Where will I go to college?” “What kind of career will I choose?” “How much money will I make?” It’s a new kind of teenage angst.

Thirteen-year-old Trey feels the pressure every day.

“I set my standards very high and when I don’t achieve my goal, I feel very bad,” he says.

Michael, 14, pushes himself, too.

“You want to be better than everybody else. I know I do. I want to be at the top of the pile and if I’m not there, I feel like I gotta do a lot of things to get there.”

The National Association of School Psychologists estimates that career-related anxieties among teens have increased about 20% in the past decade. Experts say striving for success is great, but they also warn that if it becomes an obsession, it can be unhealthy for kids.

“They become anxious [and] jittery. They become worriers,” says Dr. John Lochridge, a psychiatrist. “They turn to drugs or alcohol as external ways to calm themselves down.“

Experts say that parents need to help kids put success into perspective and teach them how to pace themselves.

“[It’s important to] emphasize the moment as opposed to where we are going to be in five years, where we’re going to be in 10 years or what are we achieving,” says Dr. Alexandra Phipps, a psychologist.

But more than anything, parents need to help their children recognize the importance of “just being a kid.”

Says Connie: “Sometimes, I feel like I have so much stress on me. And I feel like at this age, I should be enjoying myself, but sometimes I don’t feel like I’m enjoying life as I should be.”

Tips for Parents

The recent barrage of layoffs and economic turmoil of the past year is not only taking it’s toll on the working class but it is also affecting children – even those in middle school – as they begin to worry about their financial future. According to the National Association of School Psychologists, career-related anxiety among children has increased approximately 15-20% in the past decade. Even affluent, academic achievers are finding themselves buckling under enormous amounts of pressure as they witness the world of work become a place of fierce competition.

This trend of children’s early anxiety over financial well-being is further evidenced by a 2007 Charles Schwab “Teens & Money” survey. The survey of 1,000 U.S. teens in aged 13-18 revealed the following statistics:

Despite their optimistic longer-term earnings expectations, 62% say they’re concerned about being able to support themselves after high school.
49% say they’re concerned their parents/guardians will not be able to support them financially if they attend college.
One in four (25%) say they sometimes feel guilty for being a financial burden to their parents (among teens 16-18, 31% say this).
More than half (56%) are concerned about their parents’/guardians’ financial well-being.
Is it harmful for children and adolescents to be worried about competition and financial success at such an early age? Competition is generally good for children, according to the National Network for Child Care. Whether children are competing for a spot on the volleyball team or a chance to win an academic scholarship, the experience helps them gain insights about their physical and intellectual skills and limitations. Competitions also enable children to learn teamwork, identify personal goals, develop criteria for success and motivate them to increase their efforts to attain the goals they desire. But if your child begins to develop a “winning-is-everything” attitude, parental intervention may be necessary.

If your adolescent seems preoccupied by future financial insecurity, you can take several steps to ease their angst. The experts at Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism suggest you start by using these tips to guide your child when dealing with the issue of careers:

Encourage your child to explore his or her options. Be supportive by asking your child, “Can I help you get connected?” or “Can I help you with researching a career?”
You need to remember this is not your career decision. Have trust in your child and be supportive, yet informative.
The world of work has changed since many parents made their first career choice. So some parents need to realize some of their information might be outdated.
Direct your child to resources where he or she can research his or her desired career.
If your child comes to you with career and financial concerns, the best action you can take is to listen, according to the National PTA. Engaging in open communication with your child and sharing your own experiences and frustrations will help to ease your child’s anxiety. If your adolescent appears highly stressed about the future, you need to take the necessary steps to reduce that amount of stress before it can damage your child’s physical health. The American Academy of Family Physicians cites these signs and symptoms that indicate your child may be experiencing too much stress and anxiety:

Feeling depressed, edgy, guilty or tired
Having headaches, stomachaches or trouble sleeping
Laughing or crying for no reason
Blaming other people for bad things that happen
Only seeing the down side of a situation
Resenting other people or personal responsibilities
The National PTA says that you can help your adolescent learn to keep his or her anxiety at a minimal level by teaching him or her the following skills:

Limit or expand the number of your activities and responsibilities based on your capabilities. Preteens and teens should have challenges without becoming overwhelmed.
Avoid unnecessary worry. Thinking about a problem in order to arrive at a solution can be positive, but constant and unconstructive worry doesn’t accomplish anything. It usually just makes situations more stressful.
Become better organized. Plan activities and goals a step at a time so that parts are accomplished. This gives you more self-esteem and more reasonable deadlines.
Practice ways to reduce stress, such as aerobic exercise, proper nutrition, yoga, meditation, deep breathing, relaxation exercises, sleep, massage, taking a whirlpool or sauna bath and by having FUN.
References
American Academy of Family Physicians
National Association of School Psychologists
National Network for Child Care
National PTA
Northwestern University

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Bystanders Learning to Stand up to Bullying

By Connect with Kids

Silent Witness

Research says almost one-third of today’s teens are either bullies or victims of bullying. Bullies typically attack kids who are different in some way, kids who may be overweight …or smart …or poor … or talented…or don’t wear the ‘right’ clothes. But those who witness bullying are afraid too – 88 percent of teens say or do nothing – afraid they will become victims if they try to stop it.

How can we modify the behavior of this silent majority – those who witness bullying in school hallways, the lunchroom, locker rooms, playgrounds, school buses and neighborhoods? In Silent Witness, experts say that together these silent witnesses have the power to be the “tipping point” and can change the climate of bullying in American schools. They may be the most powerful weapon of all.

Watch Silent Witness to help start a conversation about how to stand up -- for yourself, your children, your students and others. Appropriate for the classroom and at home.

Learn about the power bystanders have to stop bullying, the difference between tattling and reporting, and how “telling” not only protects victims, but also could protect a witness from becoming a victim.