Bullying Goes High Tech in A Cyber World

Another example of how parents need to take charge on what their kids are doing online - Cyberspace is becoming more and more risky - and Cyberbullying is climbing and harming more and more kids.

Bullying Goes High Tech in a Cyber World
by Isabelle Mascarenas

Parents Universal Resource Experts is proactive in educating parents today on the issues surrounding our kids - the most critical today is the dangers of the Internet. As a Parent Advocate, (Sue Scheff), I believe we have to keep informed and up to date on Cyber-Safety.

Sue Scheff: Troubled Teenagers? See How the Teenage Mind Works

The Teenage Brain

Are you dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of raising a teenager? Teens are impulsive, stubborn and moody. A troubled teenager will yell at you one minute and hug you the next. What’s a parent to do? Get The Teenage Brain and see the latest research to help you understand defiant teenagers and how their mind actually works. You’ll improve your parenting skills and learn how to influence troubled teenagers and how to better communicate with them.
Find out what makes defiant teenagers tick.

New research shows that there are clear-cut, physical differences between an adult’s brain and a teenager’s brain – differences that explain typical “teen behavior.” The Teenage Brain is a compelling video program that gives families with troubled teenagers hope while providing the latest facts, tips from experts, advice from health practitioners, stories from teens themselves and much more.

When it comes to teenagers, you can never have enough parenting skills.

If you have teens, part of your job is to develop their mind. New research shows that you can actually shape the structure of your child’s brain – so shouldn’t you understand how troubled teenagers' or defiant teenagers' brains work? Now you can.

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As a parent advocate (Sue Scheff) keeping parents informed about today’s teens and the issues they face today is imperative for parents, teachers and others to continue to learn about. Connect with Kids, like Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, brings awareness to parents and other raising with and working with today’s kids.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Parents Universal Resources: Teens and Alcohol

On The Rocks: The Epidemic of Teen Drinking

Research statistics tell a sobering story: 75 percent of 12th graders have tried alcohol; 30 percent say they’ve been drunk in the past month; and nearly 150,000 teens wind up in the emergency room each year with alcohol-related injuries. Experts say too often parents send kids mixed messages, saying “hey, it’s part of growing up,” or it’s “just alcohol.” But teen drinking is illegal and it’s a parent’s responsibility to protect kids from its dangers.

When teens drink, they drink to get drunk – and that’s what makes it so dangerous. On The Rocks: The Epidemic of Teen Drinking tells real-life stories … two girls who convinced their dads to help them host an 18th birthday party for a friend that turned into a drunken brawl, complete with police … of alcohol-induced comas … and other teen drinking escapades that led to accidents, crime and life-changing mistakes.

Too often when there’s alcohol, parents are present. Learn what you can do to stop the drinking trend.

Watch On The Rocks with your family and start an important discussion, armed with facts, details of real-life situations, and expert opinion about teen drinking and its effects. No one wants their kids to spend their childhood drunk – and it’s time to stop the trend.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff: No Laughing Matter - Phobias and Anxieties by Connect with Kids

“They shouldn’t force the child to [meet] the clown. You introduce it to them in a way that’s slow and cautious and they see that nothing bad happens.”

– Mary Danielek, Ph.D., licensed psychologist

Just like adults, kids experience a variety of phobias. But there is one particular fear that many parents may have never heard of. It’s called coulrophobia, and, for lots of kids, it’s no laughing matter.

“What’s up, big guy? How you doin’ today?” asks a clown.

For the moment, not so well. Grayson, who is 3 years old, shakes his head “no” at the clown and looks scared.

Grayson has “coulrophobia” -- a fear of clowns.

“I’m just scared of them because they have make-up on them,” says Grayson.

“And I said, ‘Well, I wear make up, what’s so scary?’ He said, ‘Well ‘cause their make-up’s very colorful.’
I don’t know…I guess, somehow they’re different and they’re not in his everyday life experience,” says Laura Nix, Grayson’s mother.

The University of Sheffield in England surveyed 250 children, and none -- not a single child -- liked clowns. Experts say some kids may be afraid because of something that happened years before.

“Specific phobias that happen like that usually occur after one traumatic event. You can see the little girl next to you at the circus freak-out because of the clown. There’s one event, and after that the child says, ‘I’m afraid of clowns,’” says Mary Danielek, Ph.D., licensed psychologist.

She says parents shouldn’t dismiss that fear. Some children are really afraid.

“They shouldn’t force the child to [meet] the clown. You introduce it to them in a way that’s slow and cautious and they see that nothing bad happens,” says Danielek.

“I know, too, that when he’s afraid of something, if you can kind of introduce him to it in a non-threatening way, that helps,” says Nix.

Patience and understanding can help as well. Psychologists say that in most cases, coulrophobia goes away as toddlers refine their language skills and understand that clowns are harmless. However, in some cases, the phobia can last into adulthood.

Tips for Parents

Anxiety is defined as "apprehension without apparent cause." It usually occurs when there's no immediate threat to a person's safety or well-being, but the threat feels real. Anxiety makes a person want to escape the situation -- fast. (Nemours Foundation)

The heart beats quickly, the body might begin to perspire and "butterflies" in the stomach soon follow. However, a little bit of anxiety can actually help people stay alert and focused. (Nemours Foundation)

Typical childhood fears change with age. They include fear of strangers, heights, darkness, animals, blood, insects, and being left alone. Children often learn to fear a specific object or situation after having an unpleasant experience, such as a dog bite or an accident. (Nemours Foundation)

Recognize that the fear is real. As trivial as a fear may seem, it feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Being able to talk about fears helps -- words often take some of the power out of the negative feeling. If you talk about it, it can become less powerful. (Nemours Foundation)


Never belittle the fear as a way of forcing your child to overcome it. Telling your child, "Don't be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!" may get your child to go to bed, but it won't make the fear go away. (Nemours Foundation)


Don't cater to fears, either. If your child doesn't like dogs, don't cross the street deliberately to avoid one. This will just reinforce that dogs should be feared and avoided. Provide support and gentle care as you approach the feared object or situation with your child. (Nemours Foundation)

References
Nemours Foundation

Loving your kids is easy. Parenting teenagers is hard.

Parents today face very real and sometimes frightening concerns about their children’s lives. As they get older, your kids have their own interests, problems, even their own language. So what's the key to parenting?

You could buy a book…but your child probably won’t read it. You could search the Internet for advice, and ask other parents. Those are good options, but there's one that's even better for parenting teenagers: reality-based DVDs for kids and parents to watch and learn together. Parents don’t typically think of buying a DVD to help them with the issues their children or a problem teenager faces, but this is powerful positive television programming produced by the Emmy® award-winning Connect With Kids team.

Build Your Own Library

We have a complete library of half-hour programs devoted to parenting teenagers and kids, all related to social, emotional and physical health. These aren’t lectures or scare tactics strictly about how to deal with a problem teenager; they’re true stories of real kids facing issues like drugs, drinking, STDs, obesity, racism, peer pressure, body image, bullying, and more.

These powerful stories are unscripted, unrehearsed and told in kids’ own words, so your children will easily relate to them without feeling defensive, embarrassed, pressured or talked down to. The kids' stories are supported with interviews and advice from leading child specialists, health experts, educators and counselors.

Watching together is a great way to start talking with your kids. Each 30-minute video is only $19.95, and comes with a Viewing Guide with facts, suggested conversation starters and professional advice. To order, visit our products page.

As a Parent Advocate, Connect with Kids offers a great number of informational articles, DVD's, video's and more to help parents understand today's kids.

Teens and Vandalism by Sue Scheff

Teens and Vandalism

The US Department of Justice defines vandalism as “willful or malicious destruction, injury, disfigurement, or defacement of any public or private property.” Vandalism can encompass many different acts, including graffiti, public unrest, rioting, and other types of criminal mischief, like breaking windows or arson. Even seemingly harmless pranks like egging and toilet papering homes are considered vandalism in most states.

Unfortunately, many acts of vandalism may go unnoticed in the home, because teens can easily avoid bringing any evidence back with them. This is why it is of particular importance that parents make an effort to know where their teens are at all times. Keeping an open dialogue with your teen about his schedule and friends can help you to better keep tabs on him. A teen that knows his parents care is more likely to avoid criminally mischievous behaviors in the first place.

If you suspect your teen is engaging in vandalism, don’t be afraid to discuss your fears with your teen. While again, it is important to not be accusatory, you should leave no doubt in your teen’s mind that you believe any act of vandalism- big or small- is wrong. Often, teens think vandalism is a ‘victimless crime’; in other words, they don’t believe they’re hurting anyone by spray painting graffiti on a brick building, or tossing a few eggs at a neighbor’s car. This kind of thinking is your perfect segue into teaching your teen just how wrong vandalism can be. When your teen defiantly tells you that “nobody got hurt,” explain to them that by spray-painting the façade of his high school, they costs the taxpayers (including you) money to have the graffiti covered and the crime investigated. Remind them that the money for these repairs has to come from somewhere, and that every dollar wasted to fix vandalism is a dollar that must now be cut from somewhere else.

Maybe the school will have one less dance, or will be forced to cut out arts programs or programs for under privileged students. If your teen has been egging homes, point out the waste of food that some families cannot even afford. Remind them that someone will have to scrape the dried egg off your neighbor’s windshield, possibly making him late for work, costing him time and money.

Read more about Criminal Mischief with Teens - Click Here.

(Teen Obesity) Small Changes Prevent Obesity

“As long as we concentrate on exercise, eating right, cutting out the sugar, I think we’ll be okay.”

– Tina Scott-Morgan, mother

For kids and adults, losing weight seems like an endless and insurmountable task: flavorless diet foods, gym memberships, hours of sweating and pain. But a new pediatric study reports that it really doesn’t have to be that hard.

To improve her daughter’s health and weight, Tina stopped buying carbonated drinks.

“We don’t drink sodas in this house,” says Tina Scott-Morgan, mother.

“They have too much sugar in them,” says her daughter, Marissa, 9.

Too much sugar and empty calories. According to a study in the journal, Pediatrics, children who walked an extra mile a day and cut out 100 calories daily showed a significant drop in their BMI (Body Mass Index) – an indicator used to determine healthy weight. One hundred calories equals one can of soda.

“When we cut that out and replaced it with water and milk, I could tell that there’s a significant difference in Marissa’s weight,” says Morgan.

“The fact is that you’re adding extra calories into your system that your body technically doesn’t need,” says Beth Passehl, Fit Kids coordinator, Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta.

Experts say it’s all about small changes.

“Cut back gradually, cut back by 10 percent each day, cut back by one serving a day, and you may find that starts to make a difference. It’s small gradual steps that lead to life-long habits,” says Passehl.

Step-by-step, Marissa is working her way to a healthier life.

“As long as we concentrate on exercise, eating right, cutting out the sugar, I think we’ll be okay,” says her mom.

Tips for Parents

Eating breakfast is important for weight management. Research shows most people who have lost more than 60 pounds and kept it off for six years do eat breakfast. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)

Make a rule that no one in the family can eat while watching television. It’s hard for kids to realize how much they are eating when they’re absorbed in a television program. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)

Find ways to get the entire family more active. Have everyone in the family wear a pedometer, and compete to see who can take the most steps during the day. If the child wins, reward him/her with a fun activity. If the child loses, assign him/her an active chore. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)


Do not make your family give up foods they love. Instead, find healthier ways to prepare these foods. For example, frozen French fries can be baked instead of fried. Cheesecake or macaroni and cheese can be made with a low-fat cheese. Take a cooking class to get your family excited about healthy recipes. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)


Teach kids to use portion control when eating out. Since most portions at restaurants are double what they should be, encourage kids to take half home, or to share with another person. (Dr. Lonny Horowitz, bariatric specialist)


Calories are calories. It doesn’t matter where they come from. Keep portion size in mind, regardless of whether you’re eating a salad or junk food. (Dr. Lonny Horowitz, bariatric specialist)

According to The American Heart Association (AHA), healthy physical activity is defined as regular participation in activities that increase your heart rate above its resting level. However, physical activity doesn’t have to be strenuous to be beneficial. An active child plays sports, participates in PE class, does household chores, spends time outdoors and regularly travels by foot or bicycle.

The AHA offers the following guidelines:

Encourage your kids to regularly walk, bike, play outside and interact with other children.

Allow no more than two hours per day for sedentary activities – TV, computers, video games.


Promote weekly participation in age-appropriate sports or sandlot games.

Ensure your child participates in a daily school PE class that includes at least 20 minutes of coordinated large-muscle exercise.

Make sure your child has access to school/community facilities that enable safe participation in physical activities.

Provide opportunities for physical activities that are fun, increase confidence and involve friends.
Organize regular family outings that involve walking, cycling, swimming or other recreational activities.

Be a positive role model for a physically active lifestyle.

References

Dr. Lonny Horowitz, bariatric specialist
The American Heart Association (AHA)

Risk Factors for Early Sex by Connect with Kids

“We’re concerned about their behavior, we certainly don’t want [young teens] to be sexually active … and yet they’re exploited daily by the things they see.”

– Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, UCLA professor

Most parents know that there are a number of factors that weigh into whether their child will have sex at a young age. But few parents may realize just how powerful those factors are. A new study sheds some light…

One reason young teens have sex is low self-esteem.

“They were using me. They were using me because I was easy. I was easy to get in bed,” says Katlyn, 16.

Another reason is the influence of the media.

“I think for some people they’ll just see it and they’ll just do it because it’s on TV and you know, it’s casual,” says Christina, 17.

Another factor is how close children are to their parents. According to a study from the University of Wisconsin, the more risk factors a child has, the more likely that child will have sex before age 15. These risk factors include watching excessive amounts of TV, having low self-esteem and feeling alienated from their parents. In fact, the study reports that just one of these risk factors – by itself -- increases the chances that a child will have early sex by almost 50 percent.

“We’re concerned about their behavior, we certainly don’t want [young teens] to be sexually active … and yet they’re exploited daily by the things they see, by the music they hear, by the clothes that they’re reinforced to wear. And they are very poorly guided by parents, by our society, their religions, and generally by everyone that they meet except each other,” says Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, UCLA professor.

Experts say the irony is that the greatest influence on a child’s decision to have sex is the opinion of his or her parents -- but that only works if the parents have expressed their views.

“Parents have 100 percent of the power, because most kids won’t admit that they listen to their parents, but what you say to them in an exchange of information is really what they need,” says Alduan Tartt, Ph.D., psychologist.

“I think other parents should quit being scared and just to talk to their kids about sex. Stop trying to sugarcoat everything, trying to make everything look pretty, just talk to your kid. Because if you don’t talk to them they are going to get lost,” says Tremain, 17.

Tips for Parents

Talking to your child about sex and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) may not be something you look forward to, but it could be the most important step in protecting your child from risky sexual behavior. Studies show that teenagers who feel highly connected to their parents are far more likely to delay sexual activity than their peers. (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC)


Start early – Research shows that younger children seek their parents’ advice more than adolescents, who tend to depend more on their friends and the media. Take advantage of the opportunity to talk with your young children about sexual health. (CDC)


Initiate conversations with your child – Don't wait for your children to ask you about sex, HIV or STDs. Although you may hope that your children will come to you with their questions and concerns, it may not happen. Use everyday opportunities to talk about issues related to sexual health. For example, news stories, music, television shows or movies are great conversation starters for bringing up health topics. (CDC)


Talk WITH your child, not AT your child – Make sure you listen to your children the way you want your children to listen to you. Try to ask questions that will encourage them to share specific information about feelings, decisions and actions. (CDC)


Communicate your values – In addition to talking to your children about the biological facts of sex, it's important that they also learn that sexual relationships involve emotions, caring and responsibility. (CDC)


References

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

Sue Scheff: Positive Peer Pressure By Connect with Kids

“Peer pressure is not always bad. It can be very good. It can be encouraging. Sometimes a person may not want to choose hi-risk behaviors and may not want to do the wrong thing because they know their friends aren’t into that.”

– Dr. Marilyn Billingsly, pediatrician

It’s conventional wisdom that peer pressure is a powerful force in the lives of kids, especially teenagers. A new University study reminds us that while peer pressure can push kids into risky behavior, it can also help kids do the right thing.

Alex Shillinger is in court facing drug charges. He says he was “worn down” by peer pressure to try marijuana.

“There were constantly people telling me, ‘Come on, just try it, just one time, it’ll be fine,’” says Alex, 18.

On the other hand, because of peer pressure, Ambra says she’s never done drugs or alcohol or had sex.

“Being around people like that, just like myself, it keeps me motivated,” says Ambra, 17.

Peers can be powerful influences, for both good and bad behavior. A new study from the University of Southern California found that kids were less likely to use drugs if they were in a substance abuse program taught by other kids.

“Peer pressure is not always bad. It can be very good. It can be encouraging. Sometimes a person may not want to choose high risk behaviors and may not want to do the wrong thing because they know their friends aren’t into that,” says Dr. Marilyn Billingsly, pediatrician.

Of course, it depends on the friends -- and parents have little control over that.

“I think it makes it even more important for parents to know their kids’ friends and the parents of their kids' friends and monitor what’s going on with the group of friends,” Dr. Carol Drummond, Ph.D., psychologist.

If you suspect that one of your child’s friends is using drugs, experts say to make your views on drugs loud and clear and tell your child you’re worried.

“Sometimes your kid will come back and say, ‘Listen, Mom, I know he’s drinking, doing drugs; I am not doing that.’ But at least you’ve gotten a chance to plant that message that you’ve got worries. You’ve got to watch your own child. And if you feel like you have some concern that your child is making bad decisions, then you need to act aggressively,” says Dr. Judy Wolman, Ph.D., psychologist,

Tips for Parents

Peer pressure is not always a bad thing. For example, positive peer pressure can be used to pressure bullies into acting better toward other kids. If enough kids get together, peers can pressure each other into doing what's right. (Nemours Foundation)

Some good behaviors that friends can pressure each other to do include: be honest, be nice, exercise, avoid alcohol, respect others, avoid drugs, work hard, don’t smoke. (National Institutes of Health, NIH)

You and your friends can pressure each other into some things that will improve your health and social life and make you feel good about your decisions. (NIH)

References

National Institutes of Health (NIH)

Kids Still Using Drugs by Connect with Kids

“It was just the thing, and everybody’s smoking and parties and raves and all kinds of … drugs.”

– Ebony, high school student

The billions of dollars spent on the war against drugs may have increased awareness and saved lives in this country, but the totalnumber of kids who use tobacco, alcohol and drugs is still staggering. A new Federal report showing how many kids begin experimenting every day is startling.

Every single day in America, 8,000 teenagers have their first drink; 4,000 try their first cigarette. More than 3,600 smoke marijuana for the first time, and 4,000 are introduced to inhalants, cocaine, methamphetamine and other drugs.

That’s just today; at midnight the count begins all over again.

“For a lot of kids, it’s just the opening up of adolescence. Suddenly they have money; they have disposable income. They have new peer groups that they are trying to measure up to,” says Armando Corpus, drug treatment counselor.

Ebony Marie was one teen trying to measure up.

“It was just the thing, and everybody’s smoking and parties and raves and all kinds of drugs,” says White.

At 13, Ebony started smoking cigarettes and then moved on to marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, and finally, methamphetamines. Within a few months she was a drug addict.

“I am [a drug addict] and I know I am because I love drugs,” says Ebony.

Experts say that a teen’s first experience with drugs or alcohol makes the decision to use drugs again a lot easier.

“There is a line that you cross, at least psychologically, that this is something I do; at least, this is something I experiment with,” says Corpus.

He says too many parents surrender to the philosophy that teen experimentation is inevitable, and then they are surprised.

“I can’t tell you how many parents I’ve come across who say, ‘All I knew was that he was smoking marijuana once in a while. I didn’t know he was doing cocaine. I didn’t know he was doing methamphetamine,’” says Corpus.

Now in recovery, Ebony has been off drugs for several months. She hopes forever.

“Because it doesn’t get you anywhere but jails, institutions and death,” says Ebony.

Tips for Parents
To help prevent your child from using illegal substances or turning to prescription drugs to get high, it's a good idea to begin discussing substance abuse with your child at an early age, and continue openly communicating about the issues as your child grows. (Nemours Foundation)
Take advantage of "teachable moments." If you and your child see a character on TV or in a movie who is smoking or using an illegal substance, talk to your child about what smoking and substance abuse does to a person's body, mind, life. (Nemours Foundation)
When your child becomes a teenager, you can address the issue in a more direct way. Talk about both the more immediate and the long-term health effects of substance abuse and tell your child where you stand. (Nemours Foundation)
If you suspect that your child may be abusing prescription or over-the-counter (OTC) medicines or painkillers, it's a good idea to: (Nemours Foundation)
Lock your medicine cabinet, or keep medicines that could potentially be abused in a less accessible place.
Avoid stockpiling medicines. Having too many at your teen's disposal could make abusing them more tempting.
Keep track of how much is in each container in your medicine cabinet.
Keep an eye out not only for traditional-looking cough and cold remedies in your teen's room, but also strange-looking tablets.
Monitor your child's Internet usage. Be on the lookout for suspicious websites and emails that seem to be promoting the abuse of drugs, both legal and illegal.
It's also important to provide a warm and open environment at home where your child is encouraged to talk about feelings, and knows that he or she can bring you tricky questions and concerns without fear of judgment and punishment. (Nemours Foundation)
References
Nemours Foundation